Just me

I woke up this morning to discover my hidden truth. I have officially become the woman that I said I’d never be; a full fledged card carrying Mini-van mother of three. I traded in my kitten heals and cut off jean shorts for khakis and cardigan sweaters. My Kiss me Madly shimmer lip gloss has been replaced with mint lip balm, my attempt to acquire the resemblance of fresh breath and soft lips in one step.

My once miniscule jet black clutch has been upsized to a purple all purpose Brenthaven carryall stuffed with every imaginable “must have” that goes along with three children under the age of ten including, diaper wipes and extra pull-ups, gummy fruit snacks, never used McDonald Happy Meal toys, unused napkins for easy spill clean ups that occur at least twice a day. The list goes on and on and is beyond embarrassing to go into more detail of what hides in the depths of my now gigantic purse of all purposes.

I suppose I could try and be the mother that I envisioned my own to be, angelic and Betty Crocker like, but who would I be kidding? I don’t believe they make them like that anymore. And certainly, if they do, women like that don’t run around in my circle of friends. To be honest, these are not the kind of women that I
want to hang out with. Too much pressure to live up to expectations on my part. I much prefer to live in an equally chaotic state without denial of our flaws, allowing us to celebrate when we do have success in this craziness we have stepped into.

It’s from this realization that I’ve found my most inspirational friendships, my kindred spirits of Motherhood. It is with these women that I have laughed the hardest, shared the most grief with and learned the best lessons from.  To be together as one in this journey has allowed me to be  present for my children and yet honest with myself to accept my flaws and rejoice in my strengths, knowing in my heart that life is not a soap opera no matter how it may feel like it is. I am maid, nanny, chef and mistress of my household rolled into one.

Yet, beneath the facade of sweatpants and stained t-shirts lies the heart of the girl who once partied all night, kissing strangers in the darkness. Behind the chipped nails and mascara smudged eyelashes there is a woman who still dreams of the fairytale, only this gal knows that she is both the Princess and the Fairy Godmother rolled into one… she does not live in a world of unrealistic expectations, but in a world that indeed anything is possible…


M