Margarita's Anyone?

It's 10:11 and I'm finally heading to bed. The kitchen is a mess of leftover dinner dishes, homework and a clay project the kids were working on earlier this evening before I shooed them off to bed to watch the new Disney movie Tangled. I know I will regret it in the morning, leaving the disaster downstairs... but my head is pounding and I feel the need to pop a couple Severe Cold caplets and climb into bed, seeing that I have to be up at 6:30 and out the door by 7:30 to get to work.

So I'm snuggled into bed with my laptop, Fried Green Tomatoes playing in the background on the Director's Commentary. Yes, I am a movie nerd! Ever since my childhood fascination with The Karate Kid (who I must admit my joy in watching him 27 years later on this season of Dancing with the Stars...) I have been swept away by movie magic! And so I end my day as a ritual, computer on my lap and a movie playing in the background as I re-live my day in my head.
       I made it through! I made some good choices, I made some bad choices. But overall, the day was a success. Starting with a long over do get together with my girls... ending with the beginning plans of a Girls Night Out, though it most likely will be a Girl's Night In at Jenny's house and that's even better. Better to bitch and moan, giggle and use dirty words if we're not in public... which we tend to do. I am the first to admit that I love a good swear word. Must be my rebellion from such a sheltered childhood. Or maybe I just like acting like a bad girl, when anyone who really knows me, knows that I'm a rule following good girl at heart!
      I am a pre Sex and the City woman. Meaning, I missed the original broadcast of this phenomenon because I was too cheap to pay for HBO and was too busy out drinking and kissing strangers in the dark. I am a mother of three beautiful children who can not fathom the idea of their mother partying the night away, mascara smudged around her glazed eyes. There was a time when I used to refer to these as “the good old days” and realize now, that while there were some good days, most of them were riddled with self-loathing, insecurity and plain bad judgment. Today at nearly forty, which to my delight I’m told is the new thirty, I have had the opportunity to have watched said iconic show and must admit to my chagrin that for better or for worse, I have been changed because of it.  I wonder to myself if I would have been as effected had I been voyeur to these snippets of metropolitan mayhem and sexual awakening the first time around in my twenties.
In hindsight, I believe that I may have, perhaps putting less pressure on myself to go out and find that husband and find that unique sense of self worth in myself earlier ala Samantha. I’m sure I would have a more polished wardrobe extending beyond my daily uniform of khaki pants and t-shirts, a matching cardigan sweater thrown on top when I need to “dress it up.” Maybe I would have set out to have a high powered career and find success and empowerment in the corporate world like Miranda.  If I am honest with myself, most likely I would be and am a pared down version of the doe eyed optimist Charlotte,  dreaming of the perfect existence in the suburbs.  In interviews they always claim that it was and is an ensemble show but who are we kidding, it was ultimately all about Carrie. Carrie’s wardrobe, Carries career as a writer, Carrie’s love affairs. Carrie’s friends.  Perhaps it’s because if you think about it, Carrie is the ultimate fantasy character.  Every woman who is a fan of the show wishes she was the Carrie in her group of friends, in reality we all have a part of Carrie in us by way of our distinct desire to be loved,  be accepted and feel whole in a world filled with chaos and despair.
I must admit here that while I am entertainment junkie and open minded enough to watch the sometimes downright vulgar mishaps of these made up characters, you need not have watched a single episode to understand the true desire and gift of sisterhood and unconditional love that was ultimately the basis of the show.

        And while there are five of us... not four, I have my own group of girls. There is something about a group of women gathering together over Margarita's that evokes a multitude of possibilities; laughter and tears, drunken professions of the deepest secrets held close to the heart. We've said it all, heard it all... in the best of times, the worst of times... we all know that "Margarita's Anyone?" is really code for: "I need to talk... I need to be heard..." and as always, we all come running!

Mommy Find of the Week

My new discovery!

Have I told you how in love I am with my new toilet seat? Is it insane that I am over the moon with happiness over my discovery at Fleet N Farm? Who knew that something so simple could bring such stabilizing joy into my life?

For anyone with small children, in particular small children that have an aversion toward sitting on the toilet for any length of time... this is a Godsend! My youngest, a tiny boy with a teeny bottom has been a bear to potty train over the years... pull-ups... enemas... miralax... you name it, he's done it! And while we have finally made it through from the dark side into the joy of pooping on the potty... I do believe that this wonderful discovery would have made the journey a little easier. Just saying... find joy in the small things in your life!

Warm fuzzies...

For Becky: who has started an amazing new bakery adventure!

We had an amazing breakfast this morning and I feel renewed. Kim, our school girl had to run in and out before heading off to Milwaukee, so she was missed. If I were not so in love with Cheesy potatoes, I might feel obligated to drop her off a container of left overs, but I am greedy when it comes to this particular dish! Jenny had to leave for work by ten, but for a glorious hour and a half we got to sit and eat and laugh and cry and be girlfriends, not Moms... not wives... just girls gorging on carbs and bacon, pastries and sweet fruits. For an hour and a half I forgot the isolation that I sometimes feel and felt the glee of warm fuzzies... like a soda that you shake before you open, gushing out the sweetness that cannot be contained! This is the feeling I get when I'm with my girls... uncontrollable joy and happiness!
         I got all the girls to sign our POK cards so that we could start our project once and for all. The package for Julie will be going out on Monday when it's complete and ready for shipping. So today I kicked it off by hand delivering a bag to Becky, the gal who initially posted the Invisible Mother that I read that started me on this mission.
         Of course, I had not really thought out what I would say to her when I delivered this surprise. So I found myself awkwardly saying, "Just take this... it will all make sense when you open it!" pushing the gift bag through the half opened screen door when she arrived at the door with her toddler son and dog in tow. "Wow... thanks!" she smiled with a half giggle, a look of surprise and confusion on her face. My first mission complete! I walked back to my car... her sweet little son standing in the doorway as I drove away. My day is complete! We made a difference in someone's day... I can feel it!
    

Best Laid Plans

And reality strikes again! Our morning plans of a breakfast get together have been put on hold as a nasty flu bug has yet again made its rounds amidst our clan. Luckily, it looks as if we will be able to reschedule for the the very next day as I am anxious to unveil our first POK surprise to be sent out on Monday to our lucky lady of the month. Our maiden voyage is upon us and I've decided that I my dream job would be a gift bag designer, as I am finding immense pleasure in wrapping up this box of goodies for Julie. As this surprise is to be sent via mail to Arizona, my imagination has been in full gear to what we can pack in a shoe box that won't be to heavy and will be able to travel easily. So far we've come up with a variety of movies that we all adore, a handmade spa cloth and soap, chocolates and a cute little candle that I've adored with our "kindness" charm with a sweet little gingham ribbon. I've decided that this is the best way to display this token of appreciation for our special gals.
    Since this is our first box, I'm sure that it will change and get more polished in the future, but I am excited for the thought of Julie opening the pretty poka-dot care package and know that it was put together with love.

What's better then Bacon?

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar.  ~Robert Brault

So looking forward to brunch with the girls on Tuesday.   Not only is it a great excuse to make cheesy hash brown potato casserole,  we also get some time to chat and catch up, and celebrate the of the official kick off for our project.  The cards I designed and ordered came in the mail this weekend and they are lovely... simply darling and perfect. I am so looking forward to mailing out the first one. 
       And so I look forward to two of my favorite things... bacon, who can resist any that smells that great... and time with my girls.

Another piece of the puzzle...

I feel like a used banana peel, my body limp and exhausted as I lie in bed after a Spring Break trip up to the water park mecca known as The Dells. For those not familiar with Wisconsin, this tourist area boasts the Worlds Biggest Water park... so you can imagine what the last few days has entailed for me. I hear your audible "OMG" and visualize the your shake of your head, eyes closed and a crazy smirk on your face. What the hell was I thinking bringing three kids on my own to this craziness? A mother's love... guilt, just plain old bad judgement? A mix of them all I'm sure.
    To start, why does our school district have Spring Break so early? We woke up to a frozen tundra of ice and snow that literally froze my car locks shut. I know I am now a true Wisconsinite as I luckily carry a two foot ice scraper and a bright yellow bottle of Ice-B-Gone in my trunk year round. I was mighty happy for these two items as I stood in three inches of arctic ice water in purple flip flops no less, packing up the car this morning  as we checked out of the resort. I knew I still had a full day ahead of me before we would return home, but I tried to find the humor, the memory in the moment of insanity. Now I am home in my warm bed and am so thankful for the next four days to recoup from the madness we all know called "the great American Family vacation"!
    I will not bore you with stories of me nearly throwing up on the kiddie coaster, or me cussing at the arcade when the I lost Deal or No Deal....again... or me taking no prisoners when I didn't go easy and let my child win Air Hokey. Those are not the kind of sweet memories that I want to share, though I will always remember them.                                
   What I do want to share is my excitement over finding another piece of the puzzle for my project. A few days ago before I took my vacation break from my newest obsession, Alison brought up an idea of having a little figurine or token that could be sent to our special Lady of the Month as a reminder of us... I addressed this in my usual "I need to ponder this for a day or so to figure out the perfect idea." The Martha Stewart part of me wanted to find something that would "Coordinate" with the motto: a Pinch of Kindness. But what? The thought pillaged my brain for a few hours and then I consciously had to tell myself, "Mitzi, you're going on vacation...give it a break!!!"
    So you can imagine the glee I felt on a mid swim/coaster break at a small gift shop when I happened upon miniature eternity circles. It could be put on a simple chain, a keyring, even made into a magnet or a number of other creative things.  But most significant to me was that it had the word kindness engraved on it and was the size of a coin, just the perfect size to hold between my thumb and my pointer finger... a pinch. The silver circle was a mere three dollars. By all means, not extravagant, just a cheap reminder of such a extravagant objective...kindness.
    Before I even got my kids home from our trip, I myself was reminded of this notion as I pillaged through my purse in search of a quarter for my youngest son, zonked out of his mind from too much fun, not enough sleep vacation as he requests "a quarter...I need quarter Mom... I want quarter...do you have a quarter Mom?" I furiously dig into the bottom of my purse, just wanting to dig out a quarter to shut the kid up so we can get to the car and on the road home and pull out what I think is the sought after coin, only to find this miraculous find  from the gift shop. I take a breathe, turn to my son and say: "Did you have fun at Mt.Olympus?" In turn, Nicolas says, "I did Mom. I had a great time! Thanks so much for taking us!" I smile and ask, "what was your favorite part?" Nicolas beams... "Everything was my favorite..." and goes on to give me a play by play of everything we did over the last couple of days and suddenly no one was whining for a quarter... he never brought it up again... KINDNESS
    

The Grand Plan

If you are reading this blog, I'm under the assumption that you have been touched by our Grand Plan! This being my inspired movement that I've christened "A Pinch of Kindness." After being so touched by the Invisible Mother post, I started to think to myself that I somehow wanted to use these feelings in a tangible way.

As a single mother of three growing children, I often find myself scrimping and saving to make ends meet, so donations in a monetary sense just isn't realistically feasible for me. My heart tells me that I should volunteer in my community, but my full time job as a mother and my 40 hour work week outside the house makes this an unrealistic goal as well. And to be completely honest, I have a hard to sticking to anything that I am not totally passionate about.
     So this leads me to this new and exciting adventure that I'm taking on. And who better to join me in my quest but my Fab Five Ladies... Ali, Jenny, Kim and Natalie.

     These are my closet girlfriends. The girls that I turn to on a daily basis for support over the mundane, laughter over the insane and basically every little nuance that happens to touch my life. We met through a local playgroup about five years ago. Some us of bonded right away, other's we initially met there and over time slowly but surely turned into an amazing friendship. Like any relationship, we've had our ups and downs, our spats, our dramatic turn abouts... but as a whole I dare say with pride that it's our openness to agree to disagree, our ability to see without judgement, and live by the motto of Live. Love. Laugh. everything else will eventually fall into place, that has sustained us over the years and made us stronger then ever.
      Our original nickname was the Fab Five, for the mere fact that there are five of us and we are all Fabulous in our own right. Of course, this is also the nickname made famous by the Bravo television hit Queer Eye for the Straight Guy men and so I've come to the realization that this might not be the most accurate nickname for me and my ladies. Seeing how we are not five incredibly handsome, perfectly coiffed and stylized men ready to take on the world!
    You will learn more about these incredible women that grace my life and in turn... touched yours, as the days turn into weeks, as I hope to be somewhat regular in my postings. I simply adore these gals and while I know I am biased, I hope that you will see all the reasons why these are MY girls. I imagine that you will be able to relate to at least one of them, and see one or more of your friends in at least one of these ladies.

   So I went to my ladies with my plan... a simple idea... to share our abundance of love and friendship with those around us. We all have a circle of friends. They tend to multipy in rings and these are my inner circle gals. These are the girls that inhance my life and add colour to the sometimes grey areas that often invade in such a shadowed world. With them I find my true focus and my best self.  Perhaps this joy is meant for more then just us. Perhaps we can become a bright spot for someone else.
    That is where A Pinch of Kindness was introduced. As it often only takes a pinch of salt or a pinch of sugar to make all the difference in a simple recipe, it also only takes a pinch of kindness to make all the difference in the life of a friend, a family member, or even a stranger.
   My goal is to start a ripple effect of kindness to women. I have found that it can be as simple as a prepared meal, a hand written note, the smallest token of appreciation to make a regular day...a day to remember! It is often on the days we need it most, when our hearts ache for some type of validation of our hard work that it usually passes by without notice. It is my hope to make everyday, a day that we celebrate kindness amoung each other as we are bound together by the essence of being women, mothers. It is my privelage to be a part of this circle. I invite you to share this journey with me. To be inspired by the women around you as I have and to pay it forward in your own unqiue and special way... this is mine.

Just me

I woke up this morning to discover my hidden truth. I have officially become the woman that I said I’d never be; a full fledged card carrying Mini-van mother of three. I traded in my kitten heals and cut off jean shorts for khakis and cardigan sweaters. My Kiss me Madly shimmer lip gloss has been replaced with mint lip balm, my attempt to acquire the resemblance of fresh breath and soft lips in one step.

My once miniscule jet black clutch has been upsized to a purple all purpose Brenthaven carryall stuffed with every imaginable “must have” that goes along with three children under the age of ten including, diaper wipes and extra pull-ups, gummy fruit snacks, never used McDonald Happy Meal toys, unused napkins for easy spill clean ups that occur at least twice a day. The list goes on and on and is beyond embarrassing to go into more detail of what hides in the depths of my now gigantic purse of all purposes.

I suppose I could try and be the mother that I envisioned my own to be, angelic and Betty Crocker like, but who would I be kidding? I don’t believe they make them like that anymore. And certainly, if they do, women like that don’t run around in my circle of friends. To be honest, these are not the kind of women that I
want to hang out with. Too much pressure to live up to expectations on my part. I much prefer to live in an equally chaotic state without denial of our flaws, allowing us to celebrate when we do have success in this craziness we have stepped into.

It’s from this realization that I’ve found my most inspirational friendships, my kindred spirits of Motherhood. It is with these women that I have laughed the hardest, shared the most grief with and learned the best lessons from.  To be together as one in this journey has allowed me to be  present for my children and yet honest with myself to accept my flaws and rejoice in my strengths, knowing in my heart that life is not a soap opera no matter how it may feel like it is. I am maid, nanny, chef and mistress of my household rolled into one.

Yet, beneath the facade of sweatpants and stained t-shirts lies the heart of the girl who once partied all night, kissing strangers in the darkness. Behind the chipped nails and mascara smudged eyelashes there is a woman who still dreams of the fairytale, only this gal knows that she is both the Princess and the Fairy Godmother rolled into one… she does not live in a world of unrealistic expectations, but in a world that indeed anything is possible…


M

Today is a new day... fresh with no Mistakes

And yet here I go again, another adventure that I am beginning. An adventure that all started with a single post that I saw on that cyber world called Facebook. To be honest, at first I thought it was an original post, since I had no reason to Google what I now realize is a mythic story to Mother's everywhere. And when I really think about it, it is every Mother's story, no matter whoever first penned the words that have consumed me for the last couple of weeks.

If you've seen it, you know it well, as the words are poignant and stick in your head. If you are a first time reader, then prepare yourself for a lovely tribute to us all.

M

Invisible Mothers

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible - The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more. "Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?"

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?'

I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner,celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when my girlfriend turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To my friend, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.