Is it Spring or Is it a midlife crisis?

So I sit here with a pink shower cap on my head at my computer, relieved that Molly's friend's Dad picked her up for their overnight so I wouldn't have to leave the house in the forementioned appendage! I am in hour two of the "great hair lightening" experiment and I cross my fingers in hope that one: I don't fry my hair off completely, and two: that I don't end up looking like Ronald McDonald!
      As an Asian growing up in America, I have always dreamed of being a blonde, but realize that that just isn't in the cards for me, but perhaps a lighter brown will suffice my need for change. In the past, I have gone and gotten my hair cut and then usually ended up with cutter's remorse, so at least if this hair colour change doesn't work out as planned (and assuming that I still have my hair when it's done) I figure I can just dye it back black and no one will be the wiser.
     So I sit here and ask myself, "do I need a change because Spring is finally arriving, or am I having a midlife crisis?" I was informed by my eldest that my birthday is in 11 days and I will be 39 years old. I actually hadn't thought about it much, with the exception of getting together with some girlfriends for a margarita night. In the sense of how old I am, I stopped worrying about that or even caring when I hit 30! But now, it's got me thinking. Here I am, heading into my 39th year, single again and not really knowing what the future holds for me. Am I scared? a little. Am I excited? on a good day, yes. Am I where I thought I would be at 39? not at all! But perhaps that's the most exciting part, I find myself on unchartered ground and the future is mine for the taking. What will this year bring besides overly processed hair? I really don't know. All I know is that I'm ready for anything and while year 38 was full of growing experiences and reclaiming my independence, I feel like now I'm ready to hit my full stride as I prepare to hurdle the big 4-0 next year. So if this is a midlife crisis... at least I'm not out trying to reclaim my youth in a over the top way that always turns ugly and self-destructive in the end. But perhaps that's waiting around the corner for me and I just don't know it yet.
       As for today, I'm just trying to find a little happiness in a box of hair dye and I'll move on from there. The kids are playing "art studio" upstairs, I'm munching on a peice of triple chocolate cake and preparing to sit out the duration of my hair processing in a light coma on my couch watching a Jerseyliscious marathon... sure it's rediculous, but wouldn't we all look a little crazy if we had a camera crew in our lives. I sure as hell know I'd look like a loon today...